breaking up

many of you would agree with me that breaking up is sux. it is sux big time! and to top it up, breaking up thru YM. why must this happened to me again and again? am i that bad? or am i a big time loser? whatever it is, i just wished that it was just a dream. hope to woke up and she is still there smiling at me. small stuff can be over-exaggerated. and because of this small thing, i am back to single status. i hate you!
why must i faced this? argh..! wish u all the happiness in this world...may u find the one who can give u happiness that you're looking for, the one who can listen to all your craps, the one who can be your so-called sidekick, the one who can do all your work, the one...whatever!

Ratu - Salahkah Aku Terlalu Mencintaimu
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Ku tatap dua bola matamu
Tersirat apa yang ‘kan terjadi
Kau ingin pergi dariku
Meninggalkan semua kenangan
Menutup lembaran cerita
Oh sayangku, aku tak mau

Ku tahu semua akan berakhir
Tapi ku tak rela lepaskanmu
Kau tanya mengapa aku tak ingin pergi darimu
Dan mulutku diam membisu

Salahkah bila diriku terlalu mencintaimu
Jangan tanyakan mengapa karena aku tak tahu
Aku pun tak ingin bila kau pergi tinggalkan aku
Masihkah ada hasratmu ‘tuk mencintaiku lagi

Apa yang harus aku lakukan
Tuk menarik perhatianmu lagi
Walau pun harus mengiba
Agar kau tetap di sini
Lihat aku duhai sayangku...

Ohh...dear god...take me away!

sick and tired

have you ever feel that no one cares bout you? or have you feel that no one actually cares whether you exist or not? these are the feelings that i always have to get rid of from my back when i woke up. i dont know why i have been feeling like this and dont really understand why each time i feel like committing suicide (thank God, my faith is still strong). i called my own self, a "castaway". the feeling is so bad that it stops me from communicating. no one ever shows their courtesy to me...quite frankly. many people think that i suffer from psychological illness. perhaps that is the answer but, seriously, when you feel so bad...when you really need of a friend...when you fell down to the ground...there is no one who we hope would extend their hands to get us up and going again. there is no one in this world that we can called..."True Friend". if you think i am wrong, allow me to be your true friend...please?
its hard not to say that i hate to be in this world when the people around you are having their good times. laughing their heart out and you..cowered at the end of the room with tears running from both of your eyes. and that is the very time when you recalled of two loyal friends who never turned their back on us...mom and dad. why has God created this world to be so cruel on me? i may appear cool and tough on the outside but inside, i have a broken heart and a stiff mind. everyone has their own expectation on me...everyone has their own believes that i am a strong will kind of guy. but no one...has ever asked me on weekend..."do you want to spend sometimes together?"...no one has ever asked me on holidays..."do you like to join us for that trip?"...no one...there might be some but i am convinced that all the invitation is just for the sake of filling the quorum. blergh...
forgive me for being sick...i am just tired...of my work...of the people around me...of my life...